The Senior Circuit
NL East
New York Mets
The Portuguese Waitress- Although none of the players on the Mets are Portuguese, they do have a ridiculous amount of Latino players which could lead to great things. With a lot of them hurt right now, it may be tough for them with the Phils close behind.
Philadelphia Phillies
The Muffin Tops- Without the bottom of a muffin, the muffin just isn't that good. The best lineup in the NL, the muffin top, is nothing without pitching, muffin bottom.
Atlanta Braves
Sidler- The team that always comes out of no where when you're not paying attention and slip real close to you and the division lead. If the Mets and Phils don't play well, they may be sidled by the Braves.
Washington Nationals
The tap- What a girl gives the guy when he isn't performing. Or what Manny Acta will be doing a lot when he is pulling a pitcher out of the game after getting bombed.
Florida Marlins
Not that there's anything wrong with that- The Marlins have built up a great team and won a World Series title twice. Each time they firesale and find a way to keep being good. Not this year, but be on the look out in the near future if history tells the truth.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs
Upstairs Invite- It has been 100 years since their last World Series title, and their fans continue to get excited each season, just to be pushed off the ledge at season's end.
Milwaukee Brewers
Close talker- They have some great young hitters, and some great starting pitching but they are a few years away from being great. If the Cubs fail early look for the Brew Crew to make a push.
St. Louis Cardinals
Bizarro Jerry- This could be a weird year for a team that is used to winning a lot. La Russa is a great manager but he has his hands full with this years team. I think Pujols and Wainwright will carry the team, but not that far even in this crappy division.
Cincinnati Reds
The low talker- A team no one really talks about every year, but there is always some expert calling them a sleeper pick. Is this their sleeper year? Probably not and we probably won't even hear about it.
Houston Astros
Must lie situation- This could be an awful season for the 'Stros as it seems as though they have a lot of former HGH or 'Roid users who can't play well. I wouldn't be surprised to see Jay Gibbons in a Houston uni soon.
Pittsburgh Pirates
A Show about Nothing- I legitimately feel bad for anyone who is a Pirates fan. A team with nothing to look forward to.
NL West
Los Angeles Dodgers
They're real and they're spectacular- With Andruw Jones and a healthy Rafael Furcal leading this young group of great players they could easily make a run in the playoffs. They also have one of the most underrated pitching staffs, and if Brad Penny learns how to pitch in the 2nd half of the season, he will win the Cy Young award.
Arizona Diamondbacks
Master of his Domain- Many experts are picking them in the West, for good reason with Webb and Haren leading the DBacks strong pitching staff. Very similar to the Dodgers with their young players, it should be a great race all season long.
Colorado Rockies
Shmoopie- The team that everyone is sick of hearing about, and is annoying to watch. They needed an imaginable 22 out of 23 wins to make the playoffs, and rode the biggest momentum wave in the playoffs, and all we had to hear was how good they were. I don't think they're that good.
San Diego Padres
Shrinkage- When people get old they get smaller, and this Padres team is getting old, beginning with the ageless wonder Greg Maddux. The Padres play in such a pitcher friendly park that if they stay healthy they may do alright, but their lack of power is a big issue.
San Francisco Giants
In the vault- Easily the worse team in the NL. With all of Bonds's things in the vault and a weird combination of old crappy guys and young rookies without experience it will be a long year in San Fran. :-)
The Junior Circuit
AL East
Boston Red Sox
The 'it' girl- They've won 2 out of the last 4 World Series titles, and they only lost 3 players from last year's team. Picking against them is tough, they are the class of baseball right now, no question about that.
New York Yankees
Yada, yada, yada- Living in the NY area I am already sick hearing about Yankee Stadium and the Yankees. They will have the same season they always have with everyone doubting them and then they do well and make the playoffs. I am bored just writing this paragraph.
Tampa Bay Rays
The switch- Equipped with a new name and a group of young players to be jealous about I am jumping on the Raywagon. They finally will end up in the top 3 of the AL East, which is a good start.
Toronto Blue Jays
It's not you, it's me- Actually for the Jays its the opposite, it's no me, it's you. With the Sox and Yanks ahead of them, they will never be better then 3rd place no matter how hard they try. Sorry Canada, but thanks for trying.
Baltimore Orioles
Assman- Actually it is 'Assmen' when referring to the entire team. Still a few years away from being a legitimate baseball team in the league. Sorry Mark but you are the Assman.
AL Central
Detroit Tigers
Festivus- Who doesn't love the Tigers, for good reason. They are loaded this year and will be partying all the way to the World Series, but will they win? Keep reading.
Chicago White Sox
The Soup Nazi- Referring to their manager Ozzie Guillen, who is crazy and can go off at anytime. They have an older team, but they can all hit well and I think will surprise some teams in the AL, especially the next team on the list.
Cleveland Indians
These pretzels are making me thirsty.- The Indians are a weird team who could be great, or who could be awful it matters which part of the team you talk about. 2 great starting pitchers, and 3 question marks. 3 good hitters, 6 questions marks, and a lot of injuries to boot. I guess it matters how you talk about them to understand the team.
Minnesota Twins
Bad breaker upper- Giving up Santana was inevitable, as the state of Minnesota loses another franchise player to a great team. The city of Minneapolis is used to these bad break ups, but the guys they have left aren't half bad, just watch. The starting pitching on the other hand is half bad and half awful.
Kansas City Royals
Vomit Streak- The Pittsburgh Pirates of the AL, as the fans of KC may want to vomit when they watch their team again.
AL West
Seattle Mariners
Giddyup- The Mariners have the best starting rotation in the Majors and are ready to make it big this year. They do have some questionable hitters, but I think they are all ready to have a great season led by Ichiro who will have a ridiculously good year.
The Angels of Anaheim
Sponge worthy- The Angels are definitely a great team as they show every year, but I just think they are not going to have a great season. Worthy of everyone talking about them being good, but they can't play with the Mariners this season.
Oakland Athletics
Regifting- What the A's do every few years, by building up their farm system with great players then not paying them and trading them. Getting gifts, then regifting them to all the other teams to use in the future. Sucks to be an A's fan right now.
Texas Rangers
The Jerkstore- Not a lot of potential for the Rangers who have a bunch of crappy players who will try and contend in a stacked AL. They may not be jerks, but they do have a lot of bad players.
Playoffs
Opening the Vault
NLDS
Mets over Cubs
Dodgers over Phillies
ALDS
Red Sox over Mariners
Tigers over Yankees
NLCS
Dodgers over Mets
ALCS
Tigers over Red Sox
World Series
Dodgers over Tigers
"Hey, you've been great, I'll see you in the cafeteria!"
1 comment:
at least you're not a homer.
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